I hate feeling so inadequate. I hate feeling like I wasn't good enough. I hate feeling worthless, insignificant, invisible. I hate feeling bitter, like everything meant nothing, even though that's not true. I hate that you fucking forgot me in a month and engraved another's name in your heart in the next. I hate that she has the same fucking name as me. I hate that I still think about you every day, and I don't mean to, you're just There All The Time. I hate that I KNOW that you're NOT thinking about me and I'm wasting my fucking time.

I hate that I can't write this on my blog because I'm stupid and I go and mouth it off to everyone within my vicinity to read it so now I can't post personal shit cause everyone else will be fucking stalking me and reading my QQing and shit so I CAN'T qq, or else people will TALK and I want everyone to fuck off. I hate how I remember reading this on other people's blog and thinking how ..strange it was, and wondering/concluding that I'd never be in that position.

I hate so much that I tried to work things out with you, even when we were done a long time ago. I hate that I'm fine, I hate how okay I am without you. I hate that you're even fucking better, you have someone else.

Most of all, I'm so glad that all this hate will end up being past tense. Because I love me. I love myself, I'm going to treat myself better and focus on ME and patch myself up, because I've learnt now. I need to love and support myself first, before I do it for anyone else. I realised that that was my mistake when I was with you. I put too much pressure on you to make me happy, when all along it was literally in my own hands.

But I won't stop hating that you never said any of this to me. That you never ..made any effort. That when you did, I didn't appreciate it or I didn't see it.

This is just my mini in-the-heat-of-the-moment rant post. I feel this way right NOW, but I won't feel like this the next day, I tell you. I never go a day without smiling & that's a fact.

I'm beautiful. I know this, because you said so yourself.

I hate, but I love so much more.

Labels: love, personal